I had been to a party the other day and I was part of a conversation on anger and love. Ramesh who is one of my closest acquaintances narrated the below story. I am keeping the narration in first person so that you can experience first-hand what was told….

I had been to a party the other day and I was part of a conversation on anger and love. Ramesh who is one of my closest acquaintances narrated the below story. I am keeping the narration in first person so that you can experience first-hand what was told.

“My father was a very intimidating person. He had a big booming voice, highly principled and very strict. He had a personal code of ethics that he followed quite strictly and was quite vocal about anyone not adhering to those codes. It also meant, me his son, would have to follow in those footsteps. An alternate lifestyle was never an option for me in his eyes.

Ever since my childhood I remember my father as a very angry person. My memories of him have always been of someone who was quick to anger and someone who had a very strong opinion on all matters. I remember growing up terrified of him. When I was 14, he lost his job and his bitterness only increased. Childhood with my father around was never fun.

I learnt to lie and evade his wrath, but my frustration started coming out when I picked fights with neighbourhood kids. I remember one time when I beat up one of my close friends so badly in school that he needed stiches. I was suspended for 3 days from school. Suffice to say, my father was not very happy with me.

As I grew older and picked up a job, I remember being elated because I felt I did not have to feel answerable to him and could do what I wanted. I started leading a carefree life, kept my own hours and stayed away from home as long as possible. This further alienated me from him and the times we were together all we did was fight. I was earning my way through life and was now “old enough” to argue with him and at times outright negated my father.

One day, my father fell suddenly ill and I remember being at home. We rushed him to the hospital, and he was diagnosed with failed kidneys. We were all very shocked that day.

Over the course of his illness, I got an opportunity to spend a lot of time with him taking care of him, taking him to the doctor and just sitting with him. We had opportunities to share our feelings and discussed things for the first time in my life, instead of arguing we talked and were able to understand each other very well.

I understood a lot about him. His aspirations, the fact that he wanted to go into the army only to have his mother turn it down. His doing a job which kept him apart from his family that hurt him a lot, the feeling of helplessness when he lost his job with 2 children and a wife to feed. I went back to those bleak times and realized how much my parents worked hard to educate my sister and I and just put food on the table. I remember days when my sister and I would have dinner and my parents for some reason or the other would forego dinner or eat very little.

The days before his death were very revealing to me and I suddenly realized I was not angry at him anymore. His disease was financially very draining on the family and we were in a lot of debt. However, my only focus was to make him healthy. Towards the end, he was slowly losing his memory. One incident served to remind me of how much he loved me.

He had to make a trip to a government office to sign-over some papers to me. I remember the registrar asking him if he knew who he was signing the documents over to, he looked straight at me and said “Of course I know. These are for my son here and everything I have is his”. Even in the fading light of his mind, he was clear on how much I meant to him. I cried that full night.

He passed away 5 years since we found each other, but I was happy that the only feeling I am left with after my father passed was love. I do regret causing him a lot of grief once I grew up but at the end, we were closer than ever.

Anger and bitterness kept me and my father apart for most of my life and love brought us together.“

All of us who were listening to Ramesh were deeply moved and fell into a deep thought.

The story I heard was a lesson in the power of love and the futility of anger. It was like a turning point in my life that prompted me to put on a different lens and evaluate my behaviour, specially the times when I would get angry.

• How I took everyone around me for granted
• How I believed that force and anger were key drivers to proving my point and gaining an upper hand
• How anger had become an action and was no longer just a reaction
• How I was sliding down the path of self-destruction, sowing the seeds for discord and distrust on the way
• How at times, I had caused havoc as anger made me lose control on my emotions

I did not want to end up telling such stories, like Ramesh, in the future. I realized that I had to break free from anger. Was there an easy answer? ABSOLUTELY YES! All I had to was TAKE CONTROL AND BREAK THIS MINDSET.

I reached out to my mentor and discussed the turmoil within me. He said, “the key lies in embracing the two guiding principles: LOVE and LEARNING”

LOVE – The path to happiness:

“I’m a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.” – Abraham Lincoln

I started with my childhood and made a list of people who have contributed in making me who I am.

• My parents who sacrificed so much and all they had to give me was love.
• My wife who stands by me every single second of my life
• My friends and relatives who are always there for me

I looked at the legacy I was left behind and the greatest treasure I had was love.  I am what I am because of the love that I received and nothing else – this is in the foundation of my being. I resolved to never take them for granted.

This thought has only grown stronger and over time anger as a tool and emotion has become weaker and weaker.  The feeling of living in love supersedes everything and acts as a positive charge in making me more successful as a person and as a professional.

Be a Student: Learning keeps you young, Learning keeps you thriving

“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.” –Albert Einstein

I realized that I always felt that I had learnt what I had to learn – by this I mean my education. Education and Learning are not synonyms.  Anyone who tried to show me a new way or a new perspective was not welcome in my world. Anger would drive my response and force me not to understand anyone and that made me arrogant and disrespectful at times.

My mentor asked me to tell myself “STOP! STOP! STOP! LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN!!!” every time I start feeling angry and to focus and listen to the person in front of me.

Now every time I sense I am getting angry; I focus on my breath and listen to what the person in front of me is saying. It has made me more accepting of another person’s truth and thus, appreciate differing viewpoints. This mindset has made me a more patient person and less prone to anger.

I have been practicing this for the last few years and it has resulted in me moving away from an argumentative mindset to a discussion mindset.

These two simple changes have made me a better person at home and at work and the best thing is – I am at peace with myself.

Friends, what I narrated was a story that I wanted to share in the hope that it resonates with you, as it did with me. Anger is a monster that can be defeated easily with Love and Learning. Love and learning have the power to transcend everything and just realizing the goodness around us is enough to combat anger and break its backbone – all it needs is the featherlight stroke of Love and Learning.

As you carry this feather going forward, Stay Healthy and Stress-free!